The Other Man Parties

"Lloyd, oh, Lloyd."

"Yes, dear."

"I was thinking of a Halloween party this year for my ladies. We could call it a masquerade."

"Oh, good. You know it's my favorite day of the year."

"Yes, I thought so," she replied.

"Perhaps I could go as a ...."

"No chance, you toad. You know what you're going to be!" There she goes again. Always quoting from Andrew Lloyd Webber.

I secretly dreaded another party. The last one, her birthday, was a disaster for me although I did go maskless because she was afraid smoke from the barbecue would blacken it. All went smoothly but when the presents were opened, things got ugly. Some "sicko" gave her a male playmate calendar. How embarrassing. Genteel women of the theatre turning the pages one by one and "critiquing" each model in a loud, bawdy manner. I'll certainly have to consider a full report of this defection to the MCIFA.

Finally, it was over. Now in the dark, guests could be heard backing their cars down the long driveway on their way home. Just as I was returning to my mask in peace, there came a knock at the door. Rochelle disappeared and about five minutes later I heard her call.

"Lloyd, oh Lloyd!"

"Yes, Dear."

"You know how I've always wanted a Phantom mailbox?"

"Yes, Dear. But the one we have is perfectly fine," I asserted.

An odd half-smile crept over her face.

"But we could use your mask and you wouldn't have to wear it anymore," she said.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. No mask? My friends wouldn't know me. Worst of all, I had grown so used to it that my speech had cleared up. I could even say "phone" perfectly while masked.

"But, Dear," I wailed. "What about all that work? Who's going to remove the old mailbox?"

"Not to worry," she beamed. "One of our members, out of the goodness of her heart, has already taken care of that - along with the post."

"Well, I hope you didn't ask her to do it."

"No. She sort of volunteered."

"How thoughtful. Did she soil her clothing?" I ventured.

"Could have," she replied.

"But did it take her long?"

"No. It was sudden. Please don't argue. You'll understand in time!" Will she never finish with these ALW quotes?

Her logic was irrefutable. The new box went up yesterday with my mask. And last night, the kids "in the hood" ripped it off, freeing me forever.

Today is my first time without it but things are otherwise unchanged. There is yet another masquerade party to plan. Michael worship persists and the phone rings constantly. There it is again.

"Oh, Dear. Dear!"

"Yes?"

"Phrone, uh." (Oh no!) "Phlone."

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